Raise the Standard

This blog post is a carry over from my other blog, To Belize with Love. I felt it was pertinent and could be put here as well. Happy reading:


Sometimes, if you listen very closely, you can hear Satan rallying his demonic troops and yelling, "CHARGE!!!!" It's a scary thing. And boy have I heard it.

We had a little parlay a while back, the Devil and I. Well not really, but I feel like we did. The conversation went as follows:

Satan: (in evil hiss voice) Sooo. You think you can battle me, huh? You really think you can make a difference? You really think you can somehow further God's Kingdom in Belize?"

Me: (after long, steely glare) Yep.

Satan: And you're certain about this? You're decided? You're going.

Me: Yup.

Satan: Fine. You're determined to go? Well I'm determined to stop you.

Me: *scoff* Right. Bring it.

God: Leave her alone, Satan. That's my beloved, faithful baby girl.

Satan: (to God) Fine (to me) This isn't over.

Well, he was right about two things. He was (and is) determined to stop me and it wasn't over.

This week my heart and mind were ground zero for one of the nastiest demonic incursions I have ever experienced, bar none. No joke. The result was one of the most difficult weeks I've lived through which included meltdowns, near meltdowns, the inability to regulate my emotions, fear, anger, insecurity, isolation, and complete and utter exhaustion on all levels of my being.

In John 8 Satan is called the "father of all lies." This I believe now more than ever. I know this because of one of his other names: "the accuser."

Here's the thing about Satan. He doesn't always come at you head on. He's sneaky. He does his homework. He gets to know those he wishes to attack and uses that knowledge against them. Judging by his activities this week, he REALLY did his homework on me. Then he watched and waited until I was emotionally spent and attacked. You see, he knew a few things about me that helped with timing. 1) I'm an introvert and I had spent the week working and preparing for my friends' wedding and then all weekend doing wedding activities.While it was a joy to be a part of that, it meant I was around people constantly, had no time to myself, and spent a great deal of time in emotionally high situations. 2)  I'm a protector. I am intensely protective and empathetic towards those I love. Their burdens are mine. Often in my eyes, it is my job to protect and prevent further hurt and ease that which they are already experiencing. When they hurt, I hurt. Over the past few weeks at least 3 people who are incredibly dear to me have gone through some hard times and have been in a lot of pain. So, you see, he sensed the time was right and he attacked.

Satan: "You can't do this.You think you're all grown up but you'll never make it on your own. You know nothing about teaching high-schoolers. You are useless on your own. You will fall apart within a matter of weeks. You'll fail. What makes you think you can do this? You couldn't get a job as a teacher here, what makes you think you'll be successful there? You will fail completely."

And then he really hit a sore spot: "What are you going to do now? You can't talk about this. You can't share this with anyone. Then they'll know. They'll know you're weak. They'll know you're a failure."

See he knew to say that because he knows something else about me. I HATE to be thought of as weak. It's a serious pride issue for me. I never really understood why until my dear sister, Leslie, pointed something out to me. I AM a protector. I don't like being perceived as weak because in my mind if someone thinks I am weak, if I let them see my pain, if I let myself be truly vulnerable with them they will see me as unable to care for them well. They will not allow me to be there for them and be strong for them when they need someone to love them and care for them. THEN I would truly be a failure: a protector with no one to protect. Now I would like to say that I truly understand that ultimately it is God who protects and not me, but caring for people in that way is how I was wired and one of the ways I express love. But the idea that I will be rejected for my weakness and lose those I care about? Lies from the pit, my friends. Lies from the pit.

BUT, in the fragile state I was in, that missile hit its target.

Then he went on to attack me further: "You see, you are worthless. You have nothing to offer. You aren't worth pursuing. You'll always be alone."

These attacks coming over and over left me raw, but through all of this God showed me His love, His grace, His mercy and His truth in a number of ways.

1) I know I've said it before, but y'all, I have some incredible friends. I have NO idea how I would manage without them. Monday night I had a meltdown the likes of which the world hasn't seen since Chernobyl. A dear brother was, by the grace of God, there to walk through it with me. This guy, God has gifted with an ability to care for people in pain. He knows how to help you get it out too. He poked and prodded and pushed until it all came pouring out. He helped me process it. He spoke God's truth to me and helped me in identifying Satan's handiwork. Then Wednesday I came close to another meltdown with Leslie. Leslie is incredibly perceptive and articulate. I frequently walk away from our conversations with a better understanding of myself and of my God. We spent a good hour mulling over lies and their effect on us. How it is that as humans we find the lies so much easier to believe than the truth. Sometimes the lies seem safer. Sometimes they make more sense. But they isolate. They imprison. They slowly kill our souls and spirits. These are just two examples. I have many friends who have encouraged me and blessed me beyond what is within my ability to express.

2) I believe now, more than ever, that this is God's calling on my life right now. I have NEVER been attacked like I was last week. If this weren't what I was supposed to be doing, Satan wouldn't be attacking. Why would he bother to strike if I weren't a threat? If I weren't a danger to his plan? But that's the thing, I AM a threat. I AM a danger. I am going to Belize to serve God, to teach His children, and to train them to be His soldiers too in this spiritual battle we are waging. So you see, Satan, you may have thought this would stop me but in reality it confirmed my calling. It made me that much more sure that this was what God drove me to.

3) After a looooong conversation with another wonderful sister, I realized something. I have lost focus. I let Satan and his lies distract me from my purpose. I let him mess with me and my insecurities. I believed him. I let it draw me away from God's purpose for me. That can't happen. Acknowledging this has made me realize that I need to be far more vigilant and need to be pursuing God's will and praying for His protection more than ever.

4) This drove me to seek help. It drove me to acknowledge and own up to my weaknesses and insecurities. It forced me to surrender them to God. Today in church I was, once again struck by the words to a song which has been almost an anthem to me in recent months, "Mighty to Save." One of the verses says the following:
              "So take me as you find me,
              All my fears and failures.
              Come fill my heart again.
              I give my life to follow
              Everything I believe in.
              Now I surrender."

As I have been struggling through all of this, in addition to the people He provided, God provided two things which I have clung to and received great encouragement from. One was this:

I think this resonates with me because of that whole pride issue I mentioned earlier. There is something incredibly freeing in confessing at the top of my lungs that I am not strong enough and embracing the truth that I don't have to be because God is!

The other is a verse God brought me to. Isaiah 59:19 says:
"When the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the LORD will raise up a standard against him."

As a history major, this particular verse struck me (yes, I'm aware I'm a little bit of a nerd). Why? The reference to the standard. A standard was the flag or banner which was carried ahead of an army in battle. It was raised up to do a couple things. First, it showed identity. Second, it was a rallying point for the army. Why is this significant? Well, Deuteronomy 20 says, "For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory." So in this case, God raising the standard means that 1) we are given identity and 2) we have a rally point. As believers, our identity is that of beloved children, redeemed and set apart. Not only are we given identity but it makes sure that the enemy knows that identity. He's making sure Satan knows EXACTLY who he's messing with. That standard says "This is My army: the army of the Lord. These are My warriors and My children. You think you're fighting hard? I'll be fighting harder.
I will lead these precious ones into battle and I will fight for them. And you? You. Will. Lose." And as we are His children and warriors and have given our lives to Him and in this great spiritual battle, He is our rallying point. How wonderful is this?

Alright Lord, equip me please. And raise that standard.

The Palatial Project

"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting in an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself."

- C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Train of Thought

So in the last year or so I have become a fan of the group Train. Patrick Monahan has a great voice and their songs are pretty darn catchy. Recently, though, I have been paying closer attention to some of the lyrics and they really got me thinking. I have something to say about 2 of their songs today, both on the same topic - marriage and relationships. I know, what does a single chick know about either one? I do seem to write on this topic fairly often. Well I have the advantage of having been raised by 2 parents who have modeled a healthy, loving marriage to me and my brother, I was raised in a church where this was dealt with in church, youth group, and small groups, I have incredible, godly friends, both male and female, with whom I discuss this with regularly, and then of course, there is the Bible which is, after all, all about relationship. But I digress. So back to Train. The first song I want to look at is "If It's Love."

I would like to specifically look at these lyrics:

"I confess, you are the best thing in my life.

But I'm afraid when I hear stories 'bought husband and wife

There's no happy endings, no Henry Lee, but you are the greatest thing about me.

If it's love, we decide that it's forever; no one else could do it better.

If it's love, then we're two birds of a feather and the rest is just whatever.

And if I'm addicted to loving you and you're addicted to my love too

We can be those two birds of a feather that flock together.

Love, love, got to have something to keep us together.

Love, love, that's enough for me."

Here's the thing - this song may sound cheerful and lovey-dovey and all that, but it is rooted in fear. "I'm afraid when I hear songs 'bout husband and wife, there are no happy endings." Well, darlin', happy endings exist only in fairy tales and in the death of a believer, which actually isn't the ending at all but the beginning of eternity. Now I understand that this is not a Christian group, but my points are less about what they should have said and more about how this reflects society. This attitude that in marriage you should "live happily ever after" makes me really sad because people don't seem to prepare for the reality that they are an imperfect person marrying another imperfect person, will give birth to imperfect children, live in an imperfect house with drippy faucets and squeaky doors, will drive imperfect cars, etc. The premise of the song is that marriage doesn't make a relationship does but rather love and commitment do. But here's my big question: If it's really love, then why fear marriage? If you are REALLY and TRULY committed to someone then why should marriage be a problem? Why should marriage be a threat? It shouldn't! By saying "we decide that it's forever" you have this built in escape route in your relationship. And you know what else? Love is not enough. Not by a long shot. At least, love as we are capable of and as our society defines it isn't enough. What happens when you hit those rough patches and REALLY don't like that person very much? What happens when your life isn't "happily ever after?" Things fall apart unless you have a much stronger commitment and foundation.

To be honest and to be fair, with the divorce rate as high as it is, I can understand their point and why they would feel that way. And yes, love, SELFLESS love, and commitment keep a relationship together but those are things that should be found within marriage. And I'll be honest, knowing my heart as I do, I cannot imagine how those things could be found at all outside of a strong, continuously growing relationship with Christ. That's the key.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not easily broken."

So song no. 2 is sort of opposite. I actually think they make an excellent point in the song "Marry Me."

Okay, I confess, I absolutely love this song. It's so sweet and tender, though perhaps a little bit creepy (he's singing this song to a woman he doesn't know who he sees in a cafe and wants to marry - little creepy). BUT there is one line I love. "Marry me,  today and everyday." Now, I don't know that this is precisely what they intended to say, but the way that I interpret the meaning is "choose to commit to me and our marriage anew every single day." Why do I interpret it that way? Well, marriage and love are choices. You don't just choose to marry someone at the point of proposal and then again at the wedding itself. You don't just love someone then either. That is something you have to decide constantly. There will be times you are so upset with your spouse or times when you just want what you want regardless of how it affects them that you have to make the choice to love them well and be married to them well, honoring the promise you made to that person. That's why I love that line: because, as I've interpreted it, he isn't just proposing marriage for the moment, but for the rest of their lives. Now am I giving Train too much credit here? I don't know. I forgot to ask them about it last time I was having dinner with them, but the line itself is a good one, regardless of intention.

Operation Isolation

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”

This is a quote by C.S. Lewis that I read recently that really stuck with me. You know, there's a lot of truth in that statement.

And there's a lot of power in that fact. You remember 1 Peter 5:8 where it says, "Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour?" Think about what you know about lions. Think about every nature special you have ever watched. When lions are targeting prey, which zebra do they latch onto? Which zebra do they take down? It's the one that's isolated. It's the "only one" on the fringe of the herd or, even more hopelessly, detached from the herd altogether.

Think about that. Isolation is one of the many powerful, effective weapons in the devil's arsenal. It is one of the great war campaigns launched against God's children: Operation Isolation. It preys on many fleshly weaknesses, not the least of these are insecurity and fear. The things we keep hidden, the things we are terrified to share because if (insert name here) really knew us, knew this, they would never accept or love us, those things are the things he uses to isolate us and bring us down. The fact of the matter is, at one point or another, we have all struggled with something that, while it may not be the same, would have similar effects on the spirit, things that could be used to isolate us. And we have this incredible example of grace laid out for us in Jesus Christ, which should be applied to all these relationships. Additionally, isolation creates and feeds fear and insecurity. It feeds the idea that you are probably the only one who is struggling with something or that feeling a certain way makes you nuts. I was talking to a friend tonight and sharing something I had been thinking about which I assumed was a weird thought process of mine because I couldn't articulate why I felt this way. I was sort of to the point of thinking that my thoughts and feelings on this matter were invalid and incorrect because of that. She was able to not only assure me I was not alone in that, but articulate with biblical support why that was a correct way to think about things. This whole issue of isolation is something that makes the fellowship of a body of believers so important. If we stay with the herd, we have a better chance of defending ourselves and each other against the roaring lion.

So, “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”

I have been incredibly blessed by friendships that are born in this way and are continuously reinforced by those moments. But you know, friendship might be born in those moments, but it is strengthened and nourished by the moments when one person says that and the other says, "Oh yeah. I struggle with this, but look what God has taught me. Look how I've been redeemed through this. Let me share my heart with you and bring you before the Lord in this." These friendships I have been blessed with have strengthened me and grown me personally in ways I couldn't have anticipated. They have given me more confidence in my faith, more strength in the battle against Satan, and more complete, real, deep, and blessed fellowship with these siblings in Christ than I could have ever imagined. What an incredible blessing. What incredible care, grace, and mercy of the Father to bring these people into my life! I pray that you all have those people in your lives as well and if you don't, seek them out.

Philippians 2:1-2 "Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose."

To Love...

Yesterday our pastor used the first of the following quotes in his sermon. When I went to look it up today, I found some other excellent statements concerning love by C.S.Lewis. Enjoy, but more importantly, listen.

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken.   If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation."

"Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained."

"Love is unselfishly choosing for another's higher good."

"Do not waste time bothering whether you 'love' your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this we find  one of the great secrets. When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him."

"Though our feelings come and go, God's love for us does not."

Shrimp Enchiladas with Black Beans and Rice

Tonight I got to cook an actual meal. I actually got to cook. Hooray! In an attempt to use some of our freezer's contents, I went on a search for a new shrimp recipe. I ended up making a variation of shrimp enchiladas that I found on Allrecipes. It was voted a "keeper" by every member of my family within a few bites. Enjoy it!

Shrimp Enchiladas

5 TBS olive oil
2 cloves minced garlic
1 tsp ground ginger
1/2 tsp Franks Red Hot Sauce (or other hot sauce)
6 lg shrimp per enchilada, peeled and deveined, without tails
flour tortillas
2 c shredded Cheddar and Monterey cheese blend
2 c salsa

Mix together 4 TBS olive oil, garlic, ginger, hot sauce and shrimp in a large bowl or ziploc bag. Allow to marinate for a little while (I only left them for 20 mins but it called for 2 hours). Preheat oven to 350. Spread the remaining TBS of olive oil in a 9x13 or 9x9 pan. Warm the tortillas. Put 6 shrimp, cheese, and salsa in each tortilla and roll it up. Place seam side down in the pan. Once all your enchiladas are in the pan, spread some extra salsa on top. I also added some cheese to the top, but just because I had some left. Bake for 20-30 minutes (check to see if the shrimp are pink). Serve with a dollop of sour cream on top and with rice and black beans.

Laundry Detergent DIY

Hey friends,

So I recently discovered how to make my own laundry detergent. This is my second attempt and have tweaked it a little from a recipe I found on Pinterest. 

You will need the following items:

• a 10qt or larger stock pot
• 2 empty gallon jugs
• Funnel
• 1 bar of soap (I use Fels-Naptha laundry soap, but I am going to try castile bar soap next time because it is all natural and better for your skin and for the environment and you can get it online for only a few cents more than the Fels-Naptha)
• 1 c borax
• 1 c washing soda
• water

Grate the bar of soap. I just use our Cuisinart to grate it. Add the soap to the pot with one gallon of water. Heat until the grated soap dissolves. 

Add the borax and washing soda.

Heat until it boils. It will thicken.

Remove from heat and add another gallon of water. Mix thoroughly. My suggestion is to allow the detergent to sit in the pot at least until it cools because it will thicken significantly and it is easier to add water and mix it up in the pot than in the jugs. After you have thinned it down, use the funnel to put it into the gallon jugs. 

I use one of the little detergent cups we have left over from the detergent we had before, but I think it's about 1/4-1/2 c per load. Happy washing!