Train of Thought

So in the last year or so I have become a fan of the group Train. Patrick Monahan has a great voice and their songs are pretty darn catchy. Recently, though, I have been paying closer attention to some of the lyrics and they really got me thinking. I have something to say about 2 of their songs today, both on the same topic - marriage and relationships. I know, what does a single chick know about either one? I do seem to write on this topic fairly often. Well I have the advantage of having been raised by 2 parents who have modeled a healthy, loving marriage to me and my brother, I was raised in a church where this was dealt with in church, youth group, and small groups, I have incredible, godly friends, both male and female, with whom I discuss this with regularly, and then of course, there is the Bible which is, after all, all about relationship. But I digress. So back to Train. The first song I want to look at is "If It's Love."

I would like to specifically look at these lyrics:

"I confess, you are the best thing in my life.

But I'm afraid when I hear stories 'bought husband and wife

There's no happy endings, no Henry Lee, but you are the greatest thing about me.

If it's love, we decide that it's forever; no one else could do it better.

If it's love, then we're two birds of a feather and the rest is just whatever.

And if I'm addicted to loving you and you're addicted to my love too

We can be those two birds of a feather that flock together.

Love, love, got to have something to keep us together.

Love, love, that's enough for me."

Here's the thing - this song may sound cheerful and lovey-dovey and all that, but it is rooted in fear. "I'm afraid when I hear songs 'bout husband and wife, there are no happy endings." Well, darlin', happy endings exist only in fairy tales and in the death of a believer, which actually isn't the ending at all but the beginning of eternity. Now I understand that this is not a Christian group, but my points are less about what they should have said and more about how this reflects society. This attitude that in marriage you should "live happily ever after" makes me really sad because people don't seem to prepare for the reality that they are an imperfect person marrying another imperfect person, will give birth to imperfect children, live in an imperfect house with drippy faucets and squeaky doors, will drive imperfect cars, etc. The premise of the song is that marriage doesn't make a relationship does but rather love and commitment do. But here's my big question: If it's really love, then why fear marriage? If you are REALLY and TRULY committed to someone then why should marriage be a problem? Why should marriage be a threat? It shouldn't! By saying "we decide that it's forever" you have this built in escape route in your relationship. And you know what else? Love is not enough. Not by a long shot. At least, love as we are capable of and as our society defines it isn't enough. What happens when you hit those rough patches and REALLY don't like that person very much? What happens when your life isn't "happily ever after?" Things fall apart unless you have a much stronger commitment and foundation.

To be honest and to be fair, with the divorce rate as high as it is, I can understand their point and why they would feel that way. And yes, love, SELFLESS love, and commitment keep a relationship together but those are things that should be found within marriage. And I'll be honest, knowing my heart as I do, I cannot imagine how those things could be found at all outside of a strong, continuously growing relationship with Christ. That's the key.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not easily broken."

So song no. 2 is sort of opposite. I actually think they make an excellent point in the song "Marry Me."

Okay, I confess, I absolutely love this song. It's so sweet and tender, though perhaps a little bit creepy (he's singing this song to a woman he doesn't know who he sees in a cafe and wants to marry - little creepy). BUT there is one line I love. "Marry me,  today and everyday." Now, I don't know that this is precisely what they intended to say, but the way that I interpret the meaning is "choose to commit to me and our marriage anew every single day." Why do I interpret it that way? Well, marriage and love are choices. You don't just choose to marry someone at the point of proposal and then again at the wedding itself. You don't just love someone then either. That is something you have to decide constantly. There will be times you are so upset with your spouse or times when you just want what you want regardless of how it affects them that you have to make the choice to love them well and be married to them well, honoring the promise you made to that person. That's why I love that line: because, as I've interpreted it, he isn't just proposing marriage for the moment, but for the rest of their lives. Now am I giving Train too much credit here? I don't know. I forgot to ask them about it last time I was having dinner with them, but the line itself is a good one, regardless of intention.